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Fri, Jul. 13th, 2007 | 09:48 pm  slavezombie


Nobody reads this
slavezombie
As you know people sometimes go on rambling fits in hope that somebody may be surfing the net for interesting blogs to read. This might be doubly true for me. I just returned from eating dinner at a place called Masa of Echo Park. I almost forgot dinner altogether as I haven't had an appetite. Are you familiar with the butterfly feeling in your gut when your nerves set in for something or another? I'm referring to the feeling one gets when they're asking a girl out for the first time. Nerves. Well, I like that feeling.

There's really nothing like that feeling. Although one might feel a heart attack coming on, nothing serious ever develops from these so-called butterflies which prompt my brain to remember melancholy thoughts. I just had a couple of beers, the perfect remedy for such a situation, and have to pat myself on the back for being responsible enough to decline yet a third glass which the bartender kindly offered. BTW, the bartender reminds me of Simon Grim.

How to drink beer. Everyone knows how to drink beer. So, where was I when everyone was hanging out and enjoying a good time with their friends and meeting new people? I wasn't at home studying to be a doctor, that's for sure. I've been trying to get the attention of one young woman. It's complicated and I don't know if I wanna go into detail with you about it, unless of course you're her. I kept convincing myself NOT to use those websites that offer to track down your old friends for a fee. Something about morals, and I believed it. All it took, however, was for one person to suggest it as a way to get it over with. To move on.

I find myself dialing a number and asking for so-and-so. Long story short, no contact has been made yet. I know, I know, these things never have a way of working out and I'm the only one who will be ultimately "screwed". The homey atmosphere of Masa was very welcoming, and the HomeStyle Meatloaf filling. God, how I wanted to just hang out there. But I have weak will power. I would've left stumbling over my feet had I stayed. And I began to wonder about the attractive waitresses there, and the other customers (female). I use to think life wasn't fair because I was cursed with being an introvert and approaching women was absolutely impossible, no matter how many drinks. (Fuck, this keyboard gets hot under my palms!)

Being of a creative nature, I can fantasize and daydream about an attractive woman possibly coming on to me. Fat chance that's ever going to happen :-) Anyway, because I'm all melancholy about a certain someone, I'm like "how does a person decline an invitation made by a hot, young, attractive woman who seems to be coming on to you?" I say "That's impossible without coming off as gay." to myself. But, also, regardless of trying to be amiable, how does one say "no"? when they aren't married, never have been married, don't have an active gf, can't pick-up women worth a damn, and simply may break the track record for living in a popular city like LA without getting laid for (a long, long time). I know nobody reading this would be interested in learning the answer to that, but here it is. The way to do this ludicrous act is by instilling a guilt trip on oneself that the one girl who ever meant anything to you at all isn't doing well for herself. Isn't happy, isn't happily married, hasn't a healthy sex life, etc. Until then, I'm pretty much in limbo. A ghost that people see and don't realize because it can't be so. Don't try this at home unless you feel those butterflies, though. It is the most fulfilling sensation one could have. Call it love, call it nerves, call it that thing you get that ruins appetites. I love it.


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Comments {2}

fluffyblanket

webſite

from: fluffyblanket
date: Sat, Jul. 14, 2007 10:31 am (UTC)
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Happy hunting! I hope you find someone congenial.

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Bier de Stone

relationships

from: slavezombie
date: Sun, Jul. 15, 2007 01:09 pm (UTC)
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I think I'm going to ask my therapist, once I find a good one, why it is I don't let myself have meaningful relationships. I think it's because I feel remorseful over having cheated myself out of an extensive relationship, back in highschool, due to my unfaithfulness. In a nutshell, I feel guilty for cheating on my ex.

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