Warning: If you can see this, then either your browser does not support stylesheets (CSS), or else you have turned stylesheets off.
INT. HOME OFFICE BASEMENT - DAY
There it goes.
The room is fairly quiet considering all of the wandering about of employees walking back and forth about their business.
There what goes?
A mouse. You didn't see it?
SFX: cell phone
Hello… it's Stanislavski
HERMAN STANISLAVSKI has a comfortable job at a magazine writing on-line articles for which he receives a commission each time his news stories go to print.
Hi. Have you gone to lunch yet?
I'm coming down. Don't leave without me.
INT. ROOF TOP - DAY
MINA hangs up her phone. She sighs. She is in love with Herman. They get along with each other fairly well.
EXT. PARK - NOON
How's it going down there.
My eyes are burning. Together with the constant calls I get on the cell, it's a miracle my doctor hasn't diagnosed me with a brain tumor.
Remember Fred Sterlington?
The volleyball player?
Yeah. He wants me to meet him next week at the hospital during his physical.
Oh, dang! He's trying to get you to pee in a cup for him.
Why does everyone think I'm so straight laced?
Because you're a loser.
There are journalists, famous ones, who do drugs. Look at Hunter S. Thompson.
Long pause as the couple continue to stroll down a path along the lake watching the ducks.
Hey, you wanna play a funny joke?
I'm not going to get high before his exam. He's trying to get into the olympics.
Well wait. You said he was having a physical. Is it a physical or is it a urine test? … because physicals are supposed to be private.
He's just paranoid. I guess that's one of the side effects you get from taking steroids.
Okay. I'm on my period.
No, now wait. Listen first.
INT. HOSPITAL - DAY
Herman is standing in the hallway waiting for his friend to exit the doctor's office. Mina is seated a few yards away, not far from the restrooms. Fred exits the doctors office and approaches Herman. Mina sees the discreet manner in which he hands the plastic vial to Herman, and she takes one final gulp of her 7-11 Big Gulp.
At the restroom door entrance, Herman stops to tie his shoe. The cup is left inconspicuously next to a potted plant. Mina walks by with purse in one hand, Big Gulp in the other and books and magazines under her arm. She predictably drops a magazine near the potted plant and stoops to pick it up. She conceals the cup inside of it.
INT. HOME OFFICE BASEMENT - ONE WEEK LATER - DAY
SFX: cell phone
Hello… Stanislavski here.
INTERCUT TELEPHONE CONVERSATION
INT. HOSPITAL GYNECOLOGY WARD - DAY
Hey dude. I got some bad news.
Hi, what's up?
The doctor said you got the clap
Herman becomes suspicious.
Herman's thoughts become audible.
(O.C. TO SELF)
Sorry to be the one to tell you buddy. Dude, how'd you get that? I thought that was only a female disease?
I was drunk at the time. I don't remember.
Okay. Well have that checked out. See you.
Fred disconnects the line. He looks around at some of the women minding their own business while waiting for their appointment.
Foiled your little joke. We'll see how your little scheme backfires on you. Telling me I failed my urine test because the wrong doctor saw me. Good one… I'm laughing inside.
Son of a bitch.
Fred looks up to one of the patients who notices his discomfort. Their eyes meet.
Do you know if the doctor is going to be female?