Bier de Stone (slavezombie) wrote,
Bier de Stone
slavezombie

Ideas, jot, record

I can't begin to describe how many times I get a good idea for a blog entry, a cartoon, a lyric/poem, etc. but can't bring myself away from what or where I currently am doing to log it somehow for further elaboration. The shower is the worse place to get them. But as long as I'm not in the shower, or sitting on the throne, I can record my thoughts on a digital recorder. It makes me feel a bit like a dictator. Heh.

Anyway, the latest thought I've been procrastinating has to do with friends, and why I have so few homeys, brothers, etc. Don't get me wrong, I know lots of peeps, I just don't know many peeps I can see eye-to-eye with on the personal stuff. An example, my love life. What love life? Recall David's situation in The 40 year old virgin. The one thing he can't figure out is why he's been on such a dry spell in the dating department. Well, as he confides in his co-worker friend, he's retired his cock. Andy also had a good question when he asked whether it was true that if you don't use it, you lose it. Well, it's been that long since I've been in a relationship, I don't really miss it anymore.

My friends say, count your losses and move forward. I know they're right, yet I don't follow their advice. It isn't that I'm such an oaf that I don't have any good pick-up lines for girls. Sometimes I wonder whether I can walk into one of the those cannabis shops and apply for a card simply by saying, whenever I try to approach a sexy woman, I get a splitting headache. I reasoned with myself that the reason I don't take these measure to solve the problem is because the advice I know to be accurate for me is not the one I'm taking is because, although it's the right thing to do, I've decided not to do the right thing for myself, but the right thing for the girl I wronged years ago.

That would be my high school sweetheart, AND I'm not ashamed to say it, either. She was my first love whom I never quite got over. Although I doubt her heart may have been affected the same way my heart was broken to see her end the relationship, I still feel a need to be deeply in love with her. I still feel this way even now that I've discovered she's happily married and raising a family. I do this because she must feel so much anger/hatred toward me. Enough to probably want me dead. Oh well, what can a man do?

Again, don't get me wrong. I'll take it when I can get it. Sex, that is. But as far as falling in love again, I doubt I have it in me.

Tags: lifestyle
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