Soon I'll see my old friends (my co-workers) as I will be back in the chaingang come Monday. I use to say to myself that if I ever saw my ex, there in particular, I would die. (I guess I thought I would have a heart attack or something) but I'm a firm believer that that day came and went and I'm still here. Although, it's true in some ways I'm already dead. To her I am dead since neither of us acknowledge having been friends at one time. I'm sick of myself for letting this happen. But, what can I do? Besides, that's something only a woman would say: "Gawd, if my ex came in and saw me here, I would just die." I go thru the process of cooking elaborate meals for myself, and it never fails that I forget to pour some chili on it before I wolf it all down. Same with my pasta. I found some fantastic New York style garlic Bagel chips that would go good with my meals, and I forget it's there. So beat me, I forget how to say "Hi, do I know you from somewhere?" Jesus, I do all I can already to be presentable in a pleasant manner to the customers walking in where I work, peeps should think Henry Rollins. I saw his TV broadcast Henry Rollings Uncut in NYC. Funny guy. That's me. Angry as hell, jacking off so hard I develop gashes in my hand requiring stitches. Not that this sorta thing goes on in the work place. Then again, I ponder the strangest things when I'm working just to get thru the day with a smile on my face. Exactly, jacking off is simply me doing my thing forgetting the woman. "Where is she?" What about those protesters. I'm scared as hell. These are people who have no qualm stealing library materials because they figure, "Hey, I'm a tax payer". But I'm sure there are other classes out there with similar attitudes which allow them to reason that borrowing on long term standards, overriding the "rules", justify their cause. Anyway, I did all I could to psyche myself out for the return to the office. I think I'm ready. I wouldn't mind dying again in front of you-know-who, but I have to watch what I say these days. People might begin to talk saying I have a deathwish. This is so untrue. I'm just angry. Not mean. Just angry, if that's at all possible.