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Sun, Jan. 21st, 2007 | 10:04 am  slavezombie

webſite https://slavezombie.livejournal.com/64034.html
I got this from a Yahoo! group called Society for Calligraphy

Aylum for the Verbally Insane

-Author unknown

We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes,
But the plural of ox becomes oxen, not oxes.
One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,
Yet the plural of moose should never be meese.
You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice,
Yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.
If the plural of man is always called men,
Why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?
If I speak of my foot and show you my feet,
And I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?
If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
Why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?
Then one may be that, and three would be those,
Yet hat in the plural would never be hose,
And the plural of cat is cats, not cose.
We speak of a brother and also of brethren,
But though we say mother, we never say methren.
Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,
But imagine the feminine: she, shis and shim!

    Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England. We take English for granted, but if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

    And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham. Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend. If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

    If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the folks who grew up speaking English should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.

    In what other language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? We ship by truck but send cargo by ship. We have noses that run and feet that smell. And how can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?

    You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out, and in which an alarm goes off by going on.

    So if Father is Pop, how come Mother isn't Mop? And that is just the beginning--even though this is the end

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Comments {5}


from: searoone
date: Sun, Jan. 21, 2007 05:20 pm (UTC)

That was funny! hahaha

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...my own true Hollywood story....


from: annamaryse
date: Sun, Jan. 21, 2007 11:33 pm (UTC)

This is very cute and not exactly apropos of your list but amusing:

I once knew a child who referred to a single facial tissue as a "KLEENECK" because of course, 'kleenex" sounded like a plural to him.

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Bier de Stone

"Sssssssssss" said the snake

from: slavezombie
date: Tue, Jan. 23, 2007 04:27 pm (UTC)

THAT letter S… I once had a calligraphy instructor who taught us the alphabet like we were all children. First we learned to write the letter l, then o, then a combination of those two letters as b, d, p, q, etc. After we got thru the whole alphabet, the students realized he skipped the letter S. He said, "there is no S". Ever since, I've been dumbfounded at the history this letter contains. Soft S which looks like an f without the cross stroke, hard s which is the regular s as we know it. In German, the ß and a different symbol altogether for ending words with the letter s (in cursive). I marvel at the phonetic sound a soft s would make in the word "sure" and look at it as it should be spelled "fure" (without the cross stroke). "Meafure" is another word. Pleafure, leifure. I guess the whole f letter was replaced with the combination sh as in fresh. Can you imagine reading a book with the word "fresh" spelled "fref"?

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from: fluffyblanket
date: Mon, Jan. 22, 2007 02:59 pm (UTC)

This is great fun ! May I put a link to this page in your lj in mine,if you see what I mean-as propaganda for Esperanto,please ?

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Bier de Stone


from: slavezombie
date: Tue, Jan. 23, 2007 04:15 pm (UTC)

You certainly may. One day I may ask you if I can link to one of your entries.

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