On the scenes at the KFC between MOLLY and drive thru window CLERK
No conflict in setup for MOLLY's breakdown. This could mean that BIER'S demise happens between the encounter with ELLE and the tantrum at the drive thru.
On the LOONEY TUNES parody/computer saver
I think what you're trying to say is the process of production of e-zines using silk screen printing.
See animation of EVIL OTTO sequence in ACT ONE.
On the sequence where AARON smokes in the break room because he's expecting MOLLY to bring KFC which can mask the smell of anything.
NOTE: find index card for this sequence. Reposition to ACT THREE.
On the dialog revealing BLYTHE INDIAN INTAGLIO as setup for rooftop jungles and smiley faces
July 18, 2016
Needs more conflict. Setup for smiley faces in blood scene and it's connection to rooftop jungles needs stronger links.
As a matter of fact, I cannot see how or where the setup for painting addresses on rooftops is going to come in.
Hint: typing the stalking HS scenes w/ computer technology might be worth researching instead of showing MC infatuation w/ an average looking girl.
On the gross effects killing flies has on BIER's friends
Why? was it-- is it as to function as some sort of reminder to do something significant with the Arnold de Torroja character.~
On sequence introducing ELLE's character to BIER at the e-zine publishing firm where he works
Basically you have to ask yourself why these scenes aren't already in the rewrite TMTWNGM (page 5ish). Find index card. Reposition.
BIER looks up to see that the group of women have wandered off.
BIER tenses up at the sound of her name. He begins to use every opportunity he can to sneak a glancer at her--
High school, etc.
… measuring her. But now he can't find her. He discreetly looks up in between the paper shuffling, makes a thorough scan about his locale, then gives up.
He has a customer. Shocked, he puts on his glasses.
ELLE's POV would be that the slight tint in the lenses made it look as if BIER was trying to disguise himself
BIER makes observations without leading on to the fact that he recognizes ELLE. He analyzes her nose, her hands, her fingers, her hair, her eyes, her height. All the while, looking as natural and robotic as he can.
On the scenarios of DEIRDRE being the editor who selected ELLE as the "spotlight" sorta researcher
I think this whole sequence should be done in silence to reflect BIER/PETE's POV. I mean, it doesn't matter that a line of dialog transpires, but no sound. (i.e. As if the only thing missing is the music PETE/BIER is known to have in his head. Emphasize this to reflect growth.)
In ELLE's mind, PETE always was fond of METAL but in BIER's mind, it wasn't until this chink in fate, their lives crossing after 30-some years, that caused BIER to appreciate METAL so much more.